Post funny IGNORANT stories here!

Do have any funny stories that you have read, heard, or said? Well, post them here!

I'll start:

I just heard from a guy that he got his jeep stuck.... Then someone else said, "You got ur jeep stuck...you can't get a jeep stuck...?"

hahaha Believe me, anything can get stuck! lol

Your turn!






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did you hear about the woman that couldn't get into her car because the battery on her remote was dead? a helpfull aquantance used the key to open the door!

i worked at a dealership, and we had cars towed in because of that.

there is always the "4x4 with tranny problems" that sells for real cheap after the person comes to look at it and puts the t-case in gear, or the person stuck on the side of the road in a jeep, that we had to explain what the t-case lever was for.

i hear ya...youd be amazed at the stupid things i heard working at a dealership...

It sounds like you have a bunch of good storys Patrick, come on, tell them. I could use a new laugh!
Here is one- used to have a used car ad with a 76' VW Bug that some madman had stuffed a blown Dodge 440 into. Used to give it to people to read. made it easy to tell who was a car person. If what amazed them the most was the price ($24,000) then they were not a car person.

My speach teacher was telling me that he sold a car to a friend of his. The car was one of those ones with the gas fill spout hidden behind the license plate, which ment that the friend could not find it. So he thought that it was under the hood. He found near empty plastic jug with no markings, and as the gas gauge said the tank was near empty, if the jug was near empty, that must be it, so he filled it right up to the top with gas. he got about two miles when he reilized what happens when you fill the radiator overflow with gas!!

I was siting in class a few months ago and one of the kids mentioned that he needed a new oil plug. The teacher asked what happened and the kid said, compleatly serously "I was driving home the other day, and the oil light came on. Then like five minutes later, the engine just quite. I got out and looked and the oil plug was gone, so I think I need a new oil plug." Remember it as if it were yesterday.

i have seen a car that had an oil filter tack welded onto the ebngine because "it wasnt the right size, and i needed to get back to the store to get a new one, so i figured i could weld it on, then cut the welds once i got the new one"...he was wrong...the oil sprayed everywhere, and the engine seized.

Pretty good welding to be able to weld to the thin wall on the oil filter, but yea, pretty dumb to.
There was some movie star that was on the tonight show that his car ran low on gas, so instead of filling the tank, he bought a new car. I can't remember who it was though. wouldn't you like too have the money to be able to do that though?

no joke, my sister married a guy with DEEEEEEP pockets...she had a mustang, and it was maybe a year old, and he hated it...and one night it ran out of gas, and he traded it on a corvette.
she was pissed

Can you say spoiled?!!

We Formerly had a Neighbor that moved up here from California. he got a Jeep pickup, which he had lifted, big superswampers, etc. His first winter here, we got three feet of snow overnight the day before Christmas. About two days later, our other Neighbor (father in law to the one with the jeep) had a grader sitting at a nearby construction site. he had someone drive it down and clear the road all the way back to his son in law's driveway. So anyways, the road and his driveway are clear of snow, but somehow, he manages to get his jeep stuck. We are out there with our truck pulling him out, and while we are hooking up chains, a women from farther down the road comes driving by in her honda (keep in mind that past his driveway there is three feet of snow). he could not understand that the biggest "off road perfomance mod" is the brain behind the steering wheel.

the guys i race with often talk about how no car, no matter how heavily modded, is any good without the "good driver modification"

I had nothing to do, so I was looking around for storys about stupid people for something to do. figured this one fit.

I was 18 and in the Air Force, and had just bought my first car. It was at Fairchild AFB, near Spokane, Washington, and the car was a 1955 Oldsmobile. I had paid $50.00 for it. My buddy and I decided to take it for a drive over to Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. Nearing the city, we heard a "chop...chop...chop" sound. We parked at a restaurant and shut the car off. Went inside to eat, and then returned to the car. The car would not start. I raised the hood, and my buddy and I, (both of us REALY STUPID!) just stood there looking at the engine, not knowing a thing about cars. A man came up to see if we needed help. He told us that my battery was gone. Apparently, it was not tied or bolted down and it fell into my fan blades. Well, this man put his battery in my car to get it started and then took it out. He told us that when we get back to Spokane, to go buy a battery. Well, we drove all the way back to Spokane, and stopped in a gas station and bought a battery, ($19.95 in 1971). Well, we put that battery in, and as we went around the cloverleaf onramp to get back on the freeway, we heard, "chop..chop..chop."

how did it run without a battery in the car?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Patrick

how did it run without a battery in the car?

on older cars with out computers (and maybe computerized ones to, not sure though) the battery is only needed to turn the starter. after that, the alternator is supposed to provide the juice for the electrical system. A lot of early cars airplanes and all lawn mower engines with a recoil start do not have an electrical system. instead they are started by hand, no battery needed ever. On old six volt systems, the car can be started with a twelve volt battery if you don't have a six volt. you have to pull the battery right away though or it will overload the electrical system. (I have seen this done with an old oliver tractor)

on my 92' Saab I have had the battery so dead that it reset the radio, but I was able to pushstart the car and it ran fine untill I had to stop.

here are two more storys (from the internet)

I used to vacation with a few friends at a cottage in northern Ontario. The morning of this particular tale we set off at about 8 a.m.; four of us traveling in our own cars, loaded up with the necessary baggage and food for our stay. Three of us arrive at the cottage at about the same time, having made the trip in just over an hour and a half, but our friend Gus is conspicuously missing. Just after noon he rolls up in his shiny new point-of-pride, a CRX.

He casually gets out of his car to a round of questions, everyone wanting to know what'd taken him so long.

He replies "What do you expect, guys, this is a brand new car," which we're apparently supposed to take as sufficient explanation. Of course we ask him to elaborate; so he obliges....

"No, I didn't stop for anything, I just drove slower." Why? "Well, you know that if you drive slower you'll put less mileage on your car, don't you?"

Yes, folks, he *was* serious, and was even offended at our doubting his radical speed/distance theory. He went on to explain, exasperated at our stupidity in the face of reason, "When you're driving, just look at your odometer, first when you're driving around town, and then look at it again when you're on the highway. You've gotta notice that the odometer rolls a hell of a lot faster when you're go'n' 60 or 70 m.p.h."

It took us hours to convince him that he was not saving any mileage driving slower. We needed maps, rulers, calculators -- it took every resource we could pool, even a demonstration, to make him believe us. But I still think Gus is out there, somewhere, driving around at half the speed limit....

Number two:


Being a car nut, people often come to me to ask my opinion on an upcoming purchase. One day, someone asked me about radar detectors. In about an hour, I explained all the intricacies of how they worked etc. He finally decided to go after the best and spend about $400 on it. About a month later I met up with him and he was pretty mad. It seemed that he had received 3 speeding tickets since he got the detector. Here is the conversation:

ME: Did the thing beep?
HIM: Yea it beeped a lot.
ME: Was it adequate warning? About how long did the thing beep for 'till you saw the patrol car?
HIM: About 30 seconds.
ME: 30 SECONDS? How quickly did you slow down?
HIM: Slow down?
ME: Yea, didn't you try to slow down?
HIM: Why? Doesn't that thing make the cops not see me?
ME: Uhh.... Oops I'm late for class can we finish this off later?

DOH!!! That's an hour in my life I'll never get back. Boy, these people shouldn't be allowed in public let alone behind the wheel of 3000 pounds of steel.

BTW, is this the only thread on the forum that is going anywhere?

the cops not see me..i wish...lol

The best thing I ever saw was when the guys behind my house were building a new house and they brought in those cement trucks to pour the foundation...now those things have got to weigh something fierce because the one drove round behind the place and promptly sank up to it's axles in mud...so the company sends out another truck, I figure presumably to pour the foundation while the other is getting towed out...but no, they sent a loaded one to pull the other one out...only problem is while they were puttin the chains on, it too sank up to its axles, so now there are 2 fully loaded cement trucks sunk up to their axles...and a third comes around...well he being the brains of the operation pours the foundation, hooks up a chain from aways away and pulls one of em out...then together they pull the third out...but it was like a 3 Stooges episode for about an hour just watchin the idiots work...hehehe

Morris, an 82 year old man, went to his doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw him walking down with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris & said "you're really doing great, aren't you?"

Morris replied "Just doin' what you said, Doc : 'Get a hot momma & be cheerful.'"

The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said 'You've got a heart murmer, be careful'".

Well, if I were to go out, that's the way I'd do it

True story.....

Right after I bought my 77 LTD II (351W\FMX) I had a guy bet me 50 bucks his intrepid could drag it ass backwards across the parking lot....

Got a big ol logging chain, pulled it taunt.....while my Torquey old 351 sat down in a nice low rumble about half throttle and pulled his intrepid sqeeling the front tires across the parking lot.

later,
Dustin

he was a moron then...lol

any FWD car would be at a disadvantage...im surprised that you didnt tear it in half!

Some people just don't understand the way things work...better towing and handling on a RWD vs a FWD, mind you, the best is a MR...not for towing of course, but for handling...why some people just don't walk is beyond me...