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How About a Joke Thread
So Lil Johnny a private finishes his basic training and now is in AIT. (Advanced Infantry Training)
On the morning his platoon is preparing for war games and he falls into formation but his sergeant notices that he has forgotten his rifle. After chewing him out the Sergeant hands Lil Johnny a stick and tolls him when he see an enemy soldier on the battlefield to point his stick and yell out ”Bangity-bang bang”. Then he tolls Lil Johnny if he is close up with an enemy soldier to point the stick; thrust it forward and yell out “Stabity-stab stab. Well needless to say that private Lil Johnny is amazed that after encountering dozens of enemy troops every one of them fell to the ground when he followed the sergeants instructions. Lil Johnny is amazed that he is the last man standing on the field when all of a sudden from over the hill a lone soldier came walking towards him. Lil Johnny raises his stick and yells out “Bangity- bang bang” but nothing happens. He takes careful aim the next time but to no avail. The soldier just keeps walking toward him. Lil Johnny then lowers his stick and thrusts it toward the soldier who is now only feet away from him. He yells at the top of his lungs “Sabity-stab stab” But the enemy soldier just walks up to him and kicks him in the shins dropping Lil Johnny to the ground and then proceeds to just walk over him. So, Lil Johnny now dazed and confused looks at the enemy soldier as he walks away and asks “who are you”? The enemy soldier turns to look back at Lil Johnny, sighs, and quietly says “Tankity- tank tank. |
We are at Mamas & Papas grocery.
So, we get meat, coffee, Eggs, Bacon, Broccoli, all the usual stuff, TP, Pet food, Treats etc. finally I bought a head of lettuce, go thru the self checkout bag all the stuff up, load it in the F150 and take it all home. We're inside putting all of the Stuff away when I get to the head of lettuce, All the leaves are brown. |
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Recently, I was diagnosed with A. A. A. D. D. – Age-Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.
This is how it manifests itself: I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide my car needs washing. As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the trash bin under the table, and notice that the bin is full. So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the trash first. But then I think, since I’m going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first. I take my checkbook off the table, and see that there is only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking. I’m going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don’t accidentally knock it over. I see that the Coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold. As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye: They need to be watered. I place the Coke down on the work surface, and I discover my reading glasses that I’ve been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I’m going to water the flowers. I set the glasses back down on the work top, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. Someone has left it on the kitchen table. I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I won’t remember that it’s on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back where it belongs, but first I’ll water the flowers. I pour some water in the flower vase, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill. Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do. At the end of the day: The car isn’t washed. The bills aren’t paid. There is a warm can of Coke sitting on the work surface. The flowers don’t have enough water. There is still only one check in my checkbook. I can’t find the TV remote. I can’t find my glasses and I don’t remember what I did with the car keys. Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today. I’m really baffled because I know I was busy all day long and I’m really tired. I realize this is a serious problem, and I’ll try to get some help for it, but first I’ll check my email. P.S. I just remembered I left the water running… |
Frantically, the Zookeepers try everything, but
they can't get the escaped Cobra back in its enclosure. Finally they all agree that one should, "Quick, call a lawyer!" "We need someone who speaks a Snakes language!" |
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