Bra Shopping...
#21
01-28-2021, 03:07 AM
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench…
One blonde says to the other,"Which do you think is farther away,
Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde says,
"Well, you can't see Florida…"
"and we got to go bra shopping soon"!
#22
01-28-2021, 08:27 PM
A blind man walks into a bar. He sits down and says,
"Who wants to hear some blonde jokes?"
The waitress says "I'm blonde!And my coworker is blonde, too.
Also, the lady sitting next to you is blonde as well.
Are you sure you want to tell them?"
The blind guy says "No, I guess not.
I don't want to have to explain it three times."
#23
01-29-2021, 10:06 AM
At a small club in the Midwest a ventriloquist is doing his show,
which includes a whole stream of jokes about blonde stupidity.
After about a dozen blonde jokes,
a blonde woman yells out, “That’s it.
I’ve had enough of your cheesy comedy.
I’m tired of being stereotyped by lousy comedians like you.
All you can do is make fun of people’s appearance.
What does someone’s looks have to do with her worth?
I’m fed up with being laughed at because of the color of my hair,
and people at work thinking I’m stupid
because idiots like you perpetuate a hurtful, denigrating stereotype.
You’re an insult to women everywhere.”
The room is silent for a minute,
then the entertainer tries to explain.
But before he can get two words out, the blonde says,
“Shut up, mister.
This is between me and that midget on your lap.”
which includes a whole stream of jokes about blonde stupidity.
After about a dozen blonde jokes,
a blonde woman yells out, “That’s it.
I’ve had enough of your cheesy comedy.
I’m tired of being stereotyped by lousy comedians like you.
All you can do is make fun of people’s appearance.
What does someone’s looks have to do with her worth?
I’m fed up with being laughed at because of the color of my hair,
and people at work thinking I’m stupid
because idiots like you perpetuate a hurtful, denigrating stereotype.
You’re an insult to women everywhere.”
The room is silent for a minute,
then the entertainer tries to explain.
But before he can get two words out, the blonde says,
“Shut up, mister.
This is between me and that midget on your lap.”
#24
01-30-2021, 08:11 AM
A blind singer man and a Pro Golfer are in a bar.
The Pro turns to the Singer and says, "How is the singing career going?"
The Singer says, "Not too bad, the latest album has gone into the top 10,
so all in all I think it is pretty good. By the way how is the golf."
The Pro replies: "Not too bad, I am not winning as much as I used to but I'm still making a bit of money.
I have some problems with my swing but I think I've got that right now."
"I always find that when my swing goes wrong I need to stop playing for a while and think about it,
then the next time I play it seems to be all right," says the Blind Singer
"You play golf!?" asks the Pro and the blind Singer says, "Yes, I have been playing for years."
"But I thought you were blind; how can you play golf if you are blind?" Jack asks. "
I get my caddie to stand in the middle of the fairway and he calls to me.
I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him,
then when I get to where the ball lands the caddie moves to the green or further down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice," explains Stevie.
"But how do you putt?" Jack wondered. "Well," says Stevie,
"I get my caddie to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball to the sound of his voice."
Nicklaus says, "What is your handicap?"
"Well, I play off scratch," Stevie assures Jack.
Nicklaus is incredulous and says to Stevie, "We must play a game sometime."
Wonder replies, "Well, people don't take me seriously so I only play for money, and I never play for less than $100,000 a hole."
Nicklaus thinks it over and says, "OK, I'm up for that. When would you like to play?"
"I don't care - any night next week is OK with me."
The Pro turns to the Singer and says, "How is the singing career going?"
The Singer says, "Not too bad, the latest album has gone into the top 10,
so all in all I think it is pretty good. By the way how is the golf."
The Pro replies: "Not too bad, I am not winning as much as I used to but I'm still making a bit of money.
I have some problems with my swing but I think I've got that right now."
"I always find that when my swing goes wrong I need to stop playing for a while and think about it,
then the next time I play it seems to be all right," says the Blind Singer
"You play golf!?" asks the Pro and the blind Singer says, "Yes, I have been playing for years."
"But I thought you were blind; how can you play golf if you are blind?" Jack asks. "
I get my caddie to stand in the middle of the fairway and he calls to me.
I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him,
then when I get to where the ball lands the caddie moves to the green or further down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice," explains Stevie.
"But how do you putt?" Jack wondered. "Well," says Stevie,
"I get my caddie to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball to the sound of his voice."
Nicklaus says, "What is your handicap?"
"Well, I play off scratch," Stevie assures Jack.
Nicklaus is incredulous and says to Stevie, "We must play a game sometime."
Wonder replies, "Well, people don't take me seriously so I only play for money, and I never play for less than $100,000 a hole."
Nicklaus thinks it over and says, "OK, I'm up for that. When would you like to play?"
"I don't care - any night next week is OK with me."
Last edited by P_T_; 01-30-2021 at 08:15 AM.
#25
01-31-2021, 09:26 PM
Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E and F are the letters used to define bra sizes?
If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for...
it is about time you became informed:
A ... Almost *****
B ... Barely there.
C ... Can't Complain!
D ... Damn!
DD... Double damn!
E ... Enormous!
F ... Fake
If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for...
it is about time you became informed:
A ... Almost *****
B ... Barely there.
C ... Can't Complain!
D ... Damn!
DD... Double damn!
E ... Enormous!
F ... Fake
#26
02-01-2021, 04:12 AM
Two aliens land at a deserted gas station. They climb out of their space ship and all they can see is a gas pump.
The first alien looks right at the gas pump and says “Take me to your leader”.
Not surprisingly the gas pump says nothing.
The alien repeats “Take me to you leader or I’ll shoot”. Again, no response from the gas pump.
The second alien warns his friend that this is a bad idea.
Frustrated the first alien says “Last chance, take me to you leader before I shoot.”
His friend warns more strongly that this is a bad idea.
Having lost his patience, the first alien pulls out his blaster and shoots the gas pump.
There is a huge explosion and the two of them go flying through the air lading 100 feet away.
As they’re laying on the ground the first alien looks at the other and says “How did you know that was a bad idea?”
His friend replied, “Any guy who can take his *****, wrap it around his head,
and then shove it in his ear is a Really-Really bad SOB !”
The first alien looks right at the gas pump and says “Take me to your leader”.
Not surprisingly the gas pump says nothing.
The alien repeats “Take me to you leader or I’ll shoot”. Again, no response from the gas pump.
The second alien warns his friend that this is a bad idea.
Frustrated the first alien says “Last chance, take me to you leader before I shoot.”
His friend warns more strongly that this is a bad idea.
Having lost his patience, the first alien pulls out his blaster and shoots the gas pump.
There is a huge explosion and the two of them go flying through the air lading 100 feet away.
As they’re laying on the ground the first alien looks at the other and says “How did you know that was a bad idea?”
His friend replied, “Any guy who can take his *****, wrap it around his head,
and then shove it in his ear is a Really-Really bad SOB !”
