Hello, I was wondering how many members have been divorced. After only 15 months of marriage my wife has decided to leave me. It's not a big deal to her cause I was her second marriage, however for me it was my first. She's talked about leaving before, and I convinced her to stay, and she did, but it was obvious to me that she is/was no longer in love with me... no matter what I did. So this time I said fine and said if you want to leave I'm not gonna try and stop you. I can't go through this every month with her. But at the same time I'm faced with a moral dilemma, I don't believe in divorce if there was no infidelity. I didn't get married with the attitude of 'if it doesn't work, oh well we'll just get divorced' I married her because I planned on spending my ENTIRE life with her. What's really tough is the fact that she has three children whom I love very much, and it hurts just to think of the pain their mother will cause them over the course of their lives. This morning I broke down crying (for the first time since she said she was leaving) just from thinking about the youngest child. He's 2-1/2 years old and ya wouldn't believe how smart this kid is, like he could seriously start kindergarten next year at the age of 3. And he's so much fun, he loves cars, and he loves to sit down and watch me play racing games on the ps2, even after I was bored the games and didn't care to play them anymore, he would walk up to me and say "daddy, wanna watch race cars" and that alone would make playing the old tired out games worth it.
Anyway I could go on for ever, but really I don't want to bore you guys to death, I just need some comforting words, and maybe some advice as to going through the divorce.
Thanks
Brad

 

Awe, I'm so sorry that things didn't work out between the two of you, Brad! I don't want to put her down in any way - perhaps there's other reasons why she wants out of the marriage ... reasons she might not have told you. In any event, it appears that you've tried to salvage your marriage, and left it up to her to make the final decision - this alone shows that you're dedicated and truly love her. It took a lot of courage and understanding for you to leave it up to her to make that final decision, and her decision to leave now, rather than later, will allow you the opportunity to proceed with your life, without being held back in an unhappy marriage.

I know it really hurts, but would you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who is no longer committed to the marriage, making her, you and her children unhappy also? I can see from your post that you are very attached to her children - that also shows how much love you have to give. Life is too short, hun, and you deserve to share it with someone you love and that love is mutual. Please try to think of this as a positive experience in life, and an opportunity to fulfill your goals, needs and desires.

Everything happens for a reason. If you think back, even your worst experiences in the past, you can find a positive, can't you? Sometimes it takes a lot of thinking, but you will find a positive. Every experience adjusts or creates a new path in your life, which destiny has chosen ... please believe that and move forward. If you dwell on the past in a negative manner, it will only prevent you from enjoying the future. There's gonna be good things coming your way ... I just know it. Please know that we're here for you.

 

Sorry to hear all that. I am the same way about marriage. I am on my first, we just tied the not earlier this year. Seems so much anymore, people think they can get married and if it doesn't work out, then move on. And just to say, I am not religious either so this isn't a religious thing for me, but feel the marriage thing is something that isn't a throw away type event in life.


Anyways, hope you get through this well, and best wishes. I couldn't imagine something like this would effect me.

 

WE love you.....

MB couldn't have said it any better.....

I didn't get married until I was over 40.. Let a lot of'm get away for sure, and was pushed away from more than a few.. Or actually ran!! Some with great kids that I was really connected to as you, and some little,,, well you know.. But in the end, I married a good woman that still thinks I'm on the same mental playing field as the kids!! and gives me a 'wide' birth to be me.. She's in Law Enforcement, which I would'a never guessed or had foreseen as a path for me to take since most of my 'play time' involves being on the 'other side' of the law!! She still shakes her head, probably from being so happy??

She tells me,,,,, I don’t deserve to be 'this' happy…. Not sure how to take that one…

So, you never know what may come your way sometimes, or when, and/or what the big plan may be, but you sound like a person with a huge amount of caring.. Hard to find these days...

 

Hi This Is Brad's horrible wife. Thank you all really for being there for him. But as with anything just please note that there are two sodes to every story. And for the record my children are everything to me and I will not raise them in a home where all they hear is fighting. i don't think that is a good situation for them to be in. I know you guys probably really don't care what I think and you do not have the whole story. I am not a horrible person. The only reason he is trying now is because I am leaving. I have spent several nights crying to him begging him to just treat me like he loves me. Words just aren't enough. i needed him to just show me and now it just feels like it's too little too late. Every time i see him I feel like a bad person because that is all he sees in me is the bad stuff. He is too insecure to have anyone right now and his insecurities maKE ME FEEL LIKE i AM TRAPPED. Sincerely from the bottom of my heart thank you all for helping him through this. I am glad that he has some people to talk to. He is a good guy but I can't be put in a box. I will save you all the details and thank you all again.
Neena

My insecurities? I'm not allowed to read Maixim,fhm,stuff, etc. because they have half-naked women in them. We couldn't watch a movie that had even the slightest bit of nudity in them without her getting mad and taking it out on me.
I am not the one who promoted the fighting in front of the kids, in fact most of the time if we were in the middle of an argument, and they walked in, I would stop talking until they left. True, I could have been a better husband in the first year of our marriage and I cleaned up my act and gave it 200%, but it was already too late. One thing that hasn't been mentioned is that she and her family lied to me though-out our entire marriage. I tried to look beyond the deceitfulness... but as it continued I grew very tired and that is another reason, I am not trying to keep her here anymore.
I never tried to keep her in a box, the first whole year of our marriage she was un-employed and I took care of her and the kids. When she finally got a job, first it was a night job which made me feel like just a babysitter to her, then after her first week she comes home and tells me that she made 3 new friends and that I wouldn't approve of them, but she was going to continue hanging out with them, then she wanted to go over to one of their houses weekly during a night off(leaving me with babysitting privilages 5 nights a week) I never got to hang out with my friends without taking her and the kids, and I was fine with that, I just wanted her to give me that same respect. And not go running around with lesbians. (cause she used to date women "but those days are behind her now") She made the comment to me that the guys at work are nicer to her then her husband. Which is funny cause that's how we met, at work. When she's at work she is an amazing woman with a big smile and big beautiful blue eyes, what guy wouldn't say nice things to her.... but when she came home, the smile was gone and all I heard was "I'm tired, and My back hurts, and my feet hurt", and everything else that would just turn a guy off. All she did was sleep and spend money foolishly when she wasn't at work. And the money issue, is why we fought 90% of the time, but she didn't want to control herself. She called it quits 1 hour before our first marriage counsoling meeting with a pastor, saying that it would never work so there's no point in trying. If her children are everything to her, ask her what the 2 year old does while she sleeps in until 11-12 o'clock noon every day.

I tried, that's all I can say

I'm sorry I didn't think she would jack up my thread, but since she has I feel the right to defend myself.

 

We all wish the 'best' for both of you.. Never an easy thing to split.. Ever...

 

I still can't believe she jacked up my thread[:@]

MB~ thank you very much, your words have definetly helped me.

 

Well, she's been packing her boxes and has been staying with some one else.... a female that looks like a highschool boy, if that indicates anything to you guys. I know she dated women in the past, and she told me that it just didn't work for her... apparently neither do men. Once damaged goods, always damaged goods.

 

Awe, I know it hurts, hun, but you were attracted to her at some point when you dated and/or married her, right? I'm also shocked that she jacked your thread, but can also understand whyshe did - it's just a naturaldefense mode.

Anyway, sometimes relationships just don't work out, and, yes, there'stwo sides (sometimes many more) to astory, but I don't think any of us intended to read more than oneside here. LOL!

I know that sometimes degrading another can help relieve some of the pain- kinda helpsa personmentally buildanger to try to overcomepain or sorrow. When I've been in this situationin the past, I triedto think of all the bad things that occurred in the relationships. I only kept these thoughtsto myself - didn't discuss it with anyone else, cuz I knew my friends and family would side with me, andfelt it wasn't fair because their opinions would've been biased in my favor.It was my problem that I had to deal with on my own.

Thishelped me cope with the situation ... the more bad things I could think of within the relationships, the better it made me feel. Why? Because it converted the negative into a positive. The negative being the bad times, and the positive being away from the bad times, learning how to deal with these and similiar situations inthe future, and being free again, to choose my next path in life as a much wiser person ... and a much happier life.

If you really think hard about it, ask yourself these things:

1.Were you happy withthe marriage?
2. How would you have proceeded in life had you not gotten married?
3. Pretending that you never even met your current wife, if you met her for the 1st time tomorrow, would you feel she's someone you might want to spend the rest of your life with?
4. Pretend you and your current wife have NO children. Would you want to spend as much time as you could with her?
5.Do you perceive a divorce as missing your spouse?
6.Do you fearbeing lonely after your divorce?
7. Do youfeel you've invested so much time and effort in the relationship that severing it would make you feel that you've lost a portion of your life?

Asking yourself these questions, and answering them honestly, can help you understand and cope with the situation much better. My true belief, which has gotten me througheven extremelytraumatic experiences (situations thatthe average person will never besubjected to throughout life), and that is:With every negative, you can find a positive - no matter how bad the situation. Use your analytical skills to your advantage - optimistic analyzation can helpmake you mentally stronger, which can make itmuch easierto cope with future obstacles in life - the more difficult the experience, the smarter you get. You will soonhave a new path to choose - it's a new beginning for you, so take advantage of it. Remember that everything happens for a reason.